Remembering

As my second student antenatal course is coming to a close, and the couples are now so close to meeting their babies, I am reminded just what a journey I have been on since first becoming a mother.

I have learnt so much from my children. They showed me who I was and the reason I am here. From the moment I first held Lorna in my arms, I had such a strong sense of...rightness, that being a mother is why I was born.

Josh came along and a steep learning curve ensued! He taught me that babies always come first, he taught me exclusive, baby led breastfeeding, for as long as they want, he taught me that 'baby wearing' (the practice of carrying your baby close to your body within a structured sling or simple piece of fabric) until they are ready to leave is a what baby needs-not to be pushed in prams away from the comforts of a familiar beating heart and the warmth of another human body nor left to lie on their backs like stranded beetles alone and frightened in a cot in a room away from all that is familiar, he taught me that it is part of a human baby's biological expectation to sleep beside his mother each night and oh so many more things.

Heather has shown me how to love, the pure simple joys of creativity and also just how self-contained an individual can be, right from the moment of conception, that simply because, as a mother, I grew these babies inside my body does not give me any kind of ownership, they are their own people. My job has been to protect, feed, nurture, and love until such a time as they were big enough, strong enough and skilled enough to take on life's tasks and challenges for themselves.

I may not exert my will over them, nor claim their victories for my own. I see them as connected whilst separate, as all living beings on Earth are...though of course we feel some connections much more strongly than others.

When Lorna was learning to drive she reached a point when her driving instructor had passed on all the skills she needed...all she needed was to hone those skills in order to bring her confidence up. So we invested in a little car (Scotty! as it became affectionately known), the first time I got into the passenger seat beside her my mind was racing....and then it stilled. I was already a little way into my antenatal teacher training at this stage and suddenly the two different aspects of my world came crashing together...I am training to facilitate learning for adults. Now was the perfect time to put some of what I had learned into practice. The thoughts that had started to go through my mind were "I don't know how to teach someone to drive!"...but that wasn't what was required! She already knew how to drive, that was what all those months of lessons with a qualified driving instructor had ensured! So I dropped my shoulders which had seemed to be reaching for the moon!, took a deep calming breath and let the trust flood in. It was wonderful to see Lorna's confidence grow a little each time I sat beside her, and now as I watch her drive out of the drive regularly it is hard to remember a time when it wasn't so.

There is a temptation, when you are involved in any kind of education, to want to pass on EVERYTHING you know. As that is simply not possible or desirable I am constantly reminding myself that 'less is more' and that adults (or children for that matter!) are not blank pages for me to write all over or empty vessels that I can pour information into. As I have reflected many times during my parenting years and whilst teaching antenatal classes there are often times when I wish that my children or clients would just accept what I am saying! whilst knowing in my heart that that isn't going to help them or me, we all have our own path to walk in our lives. I am privileged to have walked a little way alongside the parents in my classes and even more so to have walked with my children. And I thank them so much for showing me what's important in life. Thanks guys, I love you X

perfect!

I just wanted to share with you my perfect Sunday lunch time. CJ and I went for lunch at The Station http://www.richmondstation.com/ as we often do. We enjoyed our salads, had a potter to look at the beautiful art of a local man called John Hebborn http://www.john-hebborn.co.uk/ here are a couple of his pictures.

And then we went to sit on the squishy, comfy sofa with a caramel latte sumptuous brownie (for me) and mint tea and treacle tart for Chris whilst we read our books, HEAVEN!
I am reading The Mists of Avalon http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mists_of_Avalon which is a retelling of the Arthurian legends told from the perspective of the women. I am really enjoying it.

On the way home (sort of!) we discovered Otterburn Mill http://www.thelakesidefarmshop.co.uk/, the cafe looks fab (we will try it an let you know!) and there is a wonderful range of clothes at 'off price' prices. I got a lovely white top and blue cardi. Ah great food, peaceful reading and retail therapy could a girl be any happier?!

I feel the need.....to blog!

No special reason, just feeling the need to blog right now!

Being up early in the morning has it's benefits...as well as seeing a heron fly over I saw these two...

Yesterday was my birthday...didn't do anything special... but the sun did...

I had my official birthday on Monday...

beautiful flowers from my youngest daughter...

 cake no 1...

cake no2.....made by dear daughter no1...

potted orchid from my 'baby' bro

bunch of orchids from my parents in law

another fabulous hurrah from the parting sun...

Today has been very hot, a proper summers day, with windows flung open (they are still open now at nearly 9pm...better close the upstairs ones soon before the bats get in!)

When I went to close the windows this is what I saw...

On the road again!

Chris has been running for over a year now, he is fitter, slimmer and healthier (and jealous as I may be, running is still definately not for me!)
On Sunday he ran the Great Manchester run and raised over £200 in sponsorship for the NCT. More importantly, he acheived a new personal best!

There were a lot of people, so I watched the start from a big screen and wiled away the time taking a few photos in the grey, cool, raininess.

 But the funniest sight?....Chris running across the road to buy donuts after the run!!!
More from manchester coming soon...

My May girls birthdays

The year seems to be flying by and I seem to be busy as a bee.

My first born had her birthday, twenteen she insists! But as you can see still very much a little girl at heart! 

 Here are all three of my wonderful children, looking a bit like Charlies Angels I think!

Lorna and Joe

Josh and Kate                                                  I love that our family keeps growing!

What can I say???

And Heather had her fifteenth... 

 

Happy birthday my beautiful girls.

All the birthday cake has gone now, until my birthday!

Pondering motherhood.....

Recently I have been working hard at my diploma. Whilst Chris was off, in between the lovely things that we did together, I managed to utilise the time (and more importantly the freedom from domesticity) to really get stuck into some work. Today I was trying to put the finishing touches to an assignment....until my 'baby' came home! She is a cuddle-a-holic at the best of times! But today, after her usual I'm-home-from-school-cuddle she batted her eyelashes and begged for "something nice to eat that we don't have in the kitchen"! So I saved my work and headed off to the Co-op. Once I was back she wanted the loft space/study to herself and washing up was calling to me.
After a brief flirtation with my laptop it was time to prepare a meal....and that set me thinking about what it means to be a mum, to put your children's needs above your own, always, no questions asked. Even when those children are blossoming young adults, on some crucial level they will always be my baby's...

I have always loved children, enjoyed spending time with them...I made it my career after all. But nothing prepared me for being a mum! When I held my baby daughter in my arms, when I nursed her at my breast, when I gazed at her instead of sleeping....that was when I knew...this is what I was here to do. I embraced motherhood like nothing else in my life before or since, those baby's were and still are my reason for being.




 

Being a mum is the best job in the world.
Even now with the children ever growing, developing, changing-whilst-remaining-the-same, the challenges and rewards are different. Mostly I am in awe at the people they have grown to be....occasionally I am frustrated that they still make as much mess as they ever did, but hey dear hubby is still guilty on that charge and the last time I looked he was a fully grown man!

So when I (finally) post off this assignment for marking I shall reflect for a moment, and pat myself on the back...fitting in an diploma around a family is no mean feat!

And the next time I venture, cursing, into a mess covered bedroom or face a mountain of washing up or I am awoken at 4am by my son rolling in from a night on the town I will pause a moment in my frustration and remember how blessed I am that three very special people chose me to be their mum...giving me the chance to realise my potential as a human being...

Singstar! Royal wedding and Ripon

We all enjoyed a game of Singstar!

The wedding of Prince William to Kate Middleton provided another bank holiday. The weather, in stark contrast to the week before was grey and cool. But we cracked open the Bolli, breakfasted on scrambled eggs and smoked salmon and enjoyed a floor picnic with the family (when they finally got up!) All with the wedding played out on the telly.

On May day hubby and I went on a magical mystery tour....and ended up in Ripon...the weather was glorious and all around was Beltane magic!

Fish!

It's been a cracking eleven days off, but now we are back to the grindstone. The kitchen and bathroom have been cleaned and I have started back on my diploma work, but it feels ok!