Remembering

As my second student antenatal course is coming to a close, and the couples are now so close to meeting their babies, I am reminded just what a journey I have been on since first becoming a mother.

I have learnt so much from my children. They showed me who I was and the reason I am here. From the moment I first held Lorna in my arms, I had such a strong sense of...rightness, that being a mother is why I was born.

Josh came along and a steep learning curve ensued! He taught me that babies always come first, he taught me exclusive, baby led breastfeeding, for as long as they want, he taught me that 'baby wearing' (the practice of carrying your baby close to your body within a structured sling or simple piece of fabric) until they are ready to leave is a what baby needs-not to be pushed in prams away from the comforts of a familiar beating heart and the warmth of another human body nor left to lie on their backs like stranded beetles alone and frightened in a cot in a room away from all that is familiar, he taught me that it is part of a human baby's biological expectation to sleep beside his mother each night and oh so many more things.

Heather has shown me how to love, the pure simple joys of creativity and also just how self-contained an individual can be, right from the moment of conception, that simply because, as a mother, I grew these babies inside my body does not give me any kind of ownership, they are their own people. My job has been to protect, feed, nurture, and love until such a time as they were big enough, strong enough and skilled enough to take on life's tasks and challenges for themselves.

I may not exert my will over them, nor claim their victories for my own. I see them as connected whilst separate, as all living beings on Earth are...though of course we feel some connections much more strongly than others.

When Lorna was learning to drive she reached a point when her driving instructor had passed on all the skills she needed...all she needed was to hone those skills in order to bring her confidence up. So we invested in a little car (Scotty! as it became affectionately known), the first time I got into the passenger seat beside her my mind was racing....and then it stilled. I was already a little way into my antenatal teacher training at this stage and suddenly the two different aspects of my world came crashing together...I am training to facilitate learning for adults. Now was the perfect time to put some of what I had learned into practice. The thoughts that had started to go through my mind were "I don't know how to teach someone to drive!"...but that wasn't what was required! She already knew how to drive, that was what all those months of lessons with a qualified driving instructor had ensured! So I dropped my shoulders which had seemed to be reaching for the moon!, took a deep calming breath and let the trust flood in. It was wonderful to see Lorna's confidence grow a little each time I sat beside her, and now as I watch her drive out of the drive regularly it is hard to remember a time when it wasn't so.

There is a temptation, when you are involved in any kind of education, to want to pass on EVERYTHING you know. As that is simply not possible or desirable I am constantly reminding myself that 'less is more' and that adults (or children for that matter!) are not blank pages for me to write all over or empty vessels that I can pour information into. As I have reflected many times during my parenting years and whilst teaching antenatal classes there are often times when I wish that my children or clients would just accept what I am saying! whilst knowing in my heart that that isn't going to help them or me, we all have our own path to walk in our lives. I am privileged to have walked a little way alongside the parents in my classes and even more so to have walked with my children. And I thank them so much for showing me what's important in life. Thanks guys, I love you X