Down down

I'm in a funk, I'm feeling blue....I  have absolutely no good reason to be but there it is, that is the way of mental health.

Lost, disconnected, lonely, drifting in a sea of grey humdrum.

I'm unsure whether this post will make the cut, whether I will hit publish or not...if I do and I appear to be wallowing I apologise in advance...but let's see if any good comes of putting some of these thoughts 'down on paper'.

This time last year I was a month into busyness. A birth retreat with amazing sisters, recharging on holiday with my beloved one, learning the skill of teaching relax stretch and breathe (gosh is that only a year ago, feels like that skill has been around much longer), then in the new year beginning teaching RSB and studying to take this further with yoga for pregnancy, training to become a Natal hypnotherapy practitioner and a wonderful holiday across the pond. It was crazy for a while...and despite missing some of the slow, carefree autumn and winter pace and kitchen witchery, I soaked it all up. At the end of June things slowed, almost stopped. I stopped teaching RSB as the wonderful group of women that I had been teaching all had their babies, I stopped teaching antenatal courses as I realised I was finding them a struggle, I had completed all the work for YfP and received my certificate from Worcester uni. I wrote the assignments for Natal hypnotherapy, but put off the assessment until the autumn. And for a while it was great to kick back and relax. All the children (it feels odd calling them children, now that they are not...but what else could I call them?) were home and the sun shone for weeks on end (no it really did!).

But then September rolled around and the funk began to descend. Despite receiving enquiries for relax stretch and breathe not enough are making a booking so I'm struggling to get it back off the ground. And on the whole I'm left feeling as if I'm back to square one. I have been studying since 2001 with a view to finding out 'what I want to be when I grow up' i.e. finding gainful employment. As much as I have loved almost every second of my studies and have grown and changed and learned so much I'm a completely different person...but I don't feel any closer to having it sorted. I don't have regular, paid work and I don't feel as if I have found myself...meh! that all sounds pretentious and self obsessed.

So how do I move forward? How do I find a job that I can enjoy, working during the day on week days, probably part time and earning more than it costs...