A change in season often makes me stop and think and reflect. This particular seasonal shift seems to reflect a life season change for me. Life looks quite different for me these days, no longer the mamma to baby birds who need my full attention. Our home is suddenly quiet and tidy as H has returned to university, J has moved out after his brief stay back home and L is busy across town in her own cosy home.
There are many things that I am enjoying and looking forward to at this time of change. However there are also many things that I miss, look back longingly on and moments that take my breath away with the sheer raw sadness and longing for what has passed and will never be again. I really am working on embracing this phase of life, accepting the role as crone/wise woman...but Oh my! it really only seems such a short moment since I was embracing and accepting the role of mother...how can 24+ years have gone by so quickly?
I am so grateful to have returned to working with little ones to satisfy my passionate need to be around wee ones, nurturing, coaxing, teaching and learning from. Snuggling, tickling, loving whilst stretching every last ounce of patience. Occasionally feeling old and tired but mostly feeling inspired and rejuvenated, almost as if being around these amazing little ones can turn back the clock for me and make me young again.
It has been quite a year, physically there is a lot less of me than there has been for many years. Ending 2014 with a couple of nasty bugs meant that I lost quite a bit of weight. I was then inspired to try juicing and have become a devoted fan of Jason Vale, The Juice Master! (Four books, one wall planner, one dvd, one cd, one rebounder and one rebounding dvd and a visit to his retreat booked!)
I started off in January with the Juice Yourself Slim 7 day programme. This was a lovely gentle introduction for me as it combines juices and smoothies with soups and salads. He encourages you to read the entire book from start to finish before beginning the program. As I began to read I thought, I know this stuff, what can he possibly say that I don't know? And indeed I did know a lot of it...but some of it I didn't know and some of it just hadn't really hit home before. I have known for a long time that I needed to lose weight, move more, eat healthier. But I also knew that fad diets were not the answer. I needed to change my life. Starting Juice Yourself Slim was the beginning of that life change. I never felt like I was on a diet, never felt deprived or particularly hungry. What I did feel was inspired, vibrant and full of energy. I was also beginning to like my body for the first time, ever! I could look in the mirror and like what I saw, had to buy new clothes and retrieve old favourites from the dark recesses of my wardrobe. Lesson number one was to get out of diet mentality. To stop obsessing about the foods that I couldn't have and focus on all the wonderful foods I could have. And if I wanted/craved chocolate/cake/bread whatever to eat it! The world wouldn't fall apart, the 'diet' wouldn't be ruined! I know that for me (as it is for many other people) cravings and often feeling hungry are actually nothing to do with food, but everything to do with emotions. This I have known for a long time, but I am learning to address it.
After the 7 days I continued to replace at least one meal a day (usually breakfast) with a juice or smoothie. I have learned to appreciate that smoothies and juices are not just a drink, they are whole, life affirming, scrumptious meals. On the few days when I have not started my day with freshly extracted juice I feel hungry, grumpy and out of sorts. I have also begun eating food that is much less processed (even cooking is a form of processing! so sticking to raw or lightly cooked foods, as close to their natural state as possible). I am no saint, and I am very easily lead by the people that I love and slip back to eating sandwiches, pizza and puds...but I will have a big salad and just a couple of slices of pizza, I will have a small piece of cake and a side of fruit instead of ice cream.
As the season changed to summer, and I had slipped back into some of my old habits I felt in need of a reminder of how to live well. I took up the next 7 day 'challenge' and followed the 7 lbs in 7 days program. Again I read the book from beginning to end before starting the program. Again I felt I already knew it all. Again I was proven right and wrong! The main lesson I learned with this program was the the joy of moving. I had certainly been more active this year, getting up early at the weekend to go swimming, the occasional bike ride and walk, but with this detox I wanted more. I invested in a rebounder, a mini trampoline so that I could do something every day, half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the evening. I experienced the amazing paradox that if I was tired, weary, or grumpy, jumping on the trampoline for half an hour restored me and gave me more energy than I knew what to do with! Getting into the habit of doing some form of physical activity, every single day has been a wonderful, unexpected joy!
As the year rolls on and I am still loving my body, I am still learning and working on my life. Living day by day and working on not getting sucked back into too many old habits. I know that I can follow a juice detox every now and then to reset myself. Put myself back on track. If you had told me less than a year ago that I would own and enjoy wearing sports clothing (all Lycra, neon colours and figure hugging!) I would have laughed and rolled my eyes. If you had told me that I would set the alarm to get up early enough to work out for half an hour before starting my day I would have said "yeah, right!" If you had told me that I would be wearing size 12 skinny jeans and looking in the mirror loving the reflection I would have called for the men in white coats to come and get you! But all these things are true...I don't think I can remember the last time I fit into a size 12 anything! And even when I did, I certainly didn't appreciate my body (in my head I was always fat, when I made an album for my beloved to commemorate 25 years together I fished out old photos...I was truly shocked to look at the skinny young woman in those photos as she did not have the body that I remembered inhabiting at the time).
So cheers to loving my body, and to embracing this empty nest. Cheers to being a working woman, I think I have (finally) found what I want to be when I grow up...and it turns out that that means coming full circle and doing what I always loved the most! The journey here has been a blast and I have no regrets. I'm sure that if I had continued to work with children I would have begun to hate it. Coming back to it now just feels right.
Cheers also to almost having the house sorted. This time last year we were on the cusp of starting some major renovations, (my sanity and the bank balance were pushed to their very limits!) with a few detours (revamping H's bedroom and turning L's old room into a guest room weren't originally in the plan!) The 'new' room, which had no identity for ages has become a wonderful oasis of calm. Light, bright and peaceful with a wall full of books and a couple of chairs it is a great space just to be! I am looking forward to practising my yoga in there now that there are blinds at the windows.
The laundry room is a joy, yes it would have been even more joyful to have had such a space when the family were younger but hey ho! The same goes for the kitchen, I finally have the space that I have always dreamed of. A living kitchen, the beating heart of my now quiet home! But at least over the summer it got used to it's full potential with L, H and myself cooking up lovely meals and treats together in an elaborate dance! And I am looking forward to visitors who will sit on the comfy chairs by the carefully chosen table chatting to me whilst I potter around preparing dinner!
I may even finish decorating it...if I can settle on a colour!
