Recently I discovered that I had been feeling anxious...and I wasn't sure why...then I realised that it was the future that was unsettling me. I was trying to work out where I would be living and what my life might look like when Heather finishes her A levels (which, I should point out, she hasn't even chosen yet, let alone started to study!!) I am working hard on focussing on the here and now and the very immediate future.
I am still occasionally tempted to try to see too far ahead in my life and tie myself in knots working out why I am here and where I am going...and then I remember how hard that is for me and I settle back and focus on what I do know...that I have three assignments left to do to finish the diploma, that I need to write them one at a time until they are finished....that is my life's work for now....that and feeding my family and washing their laundry and washing the dishes, and shopping for food, and washing the dishes, and cleaning and tidying the house...and did I mention washing the dishes? (which seem to have a quality somewhat like the magic porridge pot, whereby as soon as I finish and empty the sudsy water more dirty dishes appear as if by magic and quickly threaten to suffocate me and the kitchen worktops!)
Last week I attended a workshop with Benig Mauger http://www.soul-connections.com/ called Birth and the Soul. She spoke about the rift caused by the take over of birth by patriarchy and technology. Birth is a very powerful, spiritual process which in the west has had the heart and soul ripped out of it. But the room was inhabited by 26 women, all working in different ways to heal that rift...that is magic!
The essay I am currently researching is Informed Decision Making...the research makes for pretty depressing reading and yet again I am asking myself am I strong enough for this, can I make a difference and help to change the birthing world for the better? and by so doing make the world a better place...I have no doubt that
if we can reclaim natural birth, the way that nature so beautifully designed, then we would start to right many of the worlds wrongs.....
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