Live, love, laugh and be happy!!!

I have had a 'light bulb' moment today! For most of my life I have believed that I am fat. I have loathed looking at my reflection, covered up, not believed it when people pay me compliments and hated photographs of myself. When it was our 25th anniversary I made a scrap book of photos, tickets etc to act as a memoir of our life together so far. There was one particular photo of me when I was 21. We were on holiday on a boat on the Norfolk broads, I was recovering from chickenpox and wearing a skimpy bikini....the girl in that photo was definitely NOT fat!! It saddened me to think of all the time the I had spent hating myself, what a waste of energy.

It is undeniable looking back at other photos before and since that my weight has been an issue. I think at the moment I am about the heaviest I have ever been and that must have an impact on my health in the long run. The thing I realised today is that hating myself doesn't help at all! It's obvious really! The thing that clinched it though was looking at some photos from last week, a meal with my family, blowing out candles on my birthday and a sunny day with my girls, nephew and parents...yes I am still over weight but I'm happy. And I am SO lucky, I live a great life! I have a wonderful husband whom I love a great deal (and who loves me too, always has, regardless of my size!), three fabulous children, a lovely family (even if we don't get together as often as I would like), amazing friends, a solid, cozy house, few worries, my health.

So from now on I promise not to duck the next time a camera is pointed my way, or cringe when I catch a glimpse of myself reflected. I am going to live, laugh and love...wobbly bits and all!

Rain won't stop play!

Today it is raining...but that's OK, it is good for the garden and won't be spoiling any of my plans. J and H are back at college and school (it was half term last week) so today I have returned to essay writing. I am currently working on The Special Situations module with an essay exploring the grief process. I have been curious to discover this to be an enjoyable piece of work; one might assume that the subject matter could be a gloomy challenge! This is my first level two piece of work and I feel as though I am really getting to grips with writing to diploma level. The references have easily made themselves known to me and my style, though still organic by nature, is becoming more structured and logical. Hopefully these feelings will be backed up when it goes for marking...serious self assessment may be needed!

We currently have a challenge...choosing new furniture! How could that be challenging I hear you ask? Well for a start there is so much choice; there is more than one item that we are considering buying and without a Chrystal ball we can't see into the future to see whether or not we have made a good decision! One of the main choices that we seem to have is whether to invest in a mid price range sofa or a more expensive one. If we go for the mid range we are likely to be replacing it in 5-10 years (our current suite has lasted 10 years and essentially only needs recovering). If we go for the more expensive one it will cost about twice as much and we need to be sure that we have chosen well, as realistically we will live with it for 10-20 years! The thing is, the more expensive one is the only one that offers us a style and choice of fabric that satisfys our joint tastes and fits in with our (not so long ago redecorated) sitting room. But with the knowledge that we will be moving in a few years we don't want to tie ourselves too rigidly to a particular colour pallet... http://www.duresta.com/

Life is on the cusp of changing radically in the next couple of years with L and then J spreading their wings and moving out. In the meantime they need a little reminding about cleanliness and tidyness which I do find challenging!