Today a couple of things had me pausing to consider what it means to be a parent...a friend...a doula...

Being a successful parent ultimately means making yourself redundant, the same can be true for doula work...friends, who knows maybe they are different...

There is a saying 'give your child only two gifts.
Firm roots.
And strong wings.

Our instinct is to hold our children close, to protect them from all the evils of the world...

"I'm her Mama, this is what I do. We Mamas run through all the possible outcomes. We worry sometimes. And we do what we can to protect those tender hearts of theirs. But sometimes, we forget that the outcome isn't really what matters. Or at least, that it pales in comparison to what came before. And that those tender hearts are huge and strong too", by Soulemama.

...yet in our hearts we know that caged birds don't sing. That once we have given them those roots and wings we must set them free. Even when we know that those roots sometimes come away from the ground when the earth gets loose and the wind blows strong or that their wings will tire and they may come crashing down...

I have waxed lyrical before about my gratitude to my children for choosing me to be their mama...that feeling only grows stronger now that they are grown and making their own way in the world...

I do pause and ask myself what the future holds...ach! Such a pointless quest! Oh but what an adventure it is parenting, living, trying to figure what it's all about...

I'm trying something on for size....mindfulness....stilling my mind....I am yet a naïve beginner in this pursuit...and I suspect may remain at this level for some time to come...but it almost doesn't matter, you see...as it's the journey that matters not the destination....and what's the point of a journey if you don't take time to gaze out of the window and admire the view, or pause along the path to smell the flowers or paddle in the stream?  So I'm taking a little time each day to pause, I am shushing the monkey chatter when I can, noticing little things that I have missed when I have been rushing about...
I don't pretend that it's easy, it certainly doesn't come naturally. Being positive and still and appreciative these are not familiar....yet....

So now that my children are using their wings with their roots firmly grounded, I am remembering my own wings and stretching them a little, whilst resting in between to give them chance to grow strong again.

I fear I'm rambling now, the page is blurry from keeping my eyes open too long...I can't remember where I was going with this post...so I'll sign off and get some sleep...maybe tomorrow...oh wait it's past midnight...maybe when I wake I'll remember where this was heading...then again maybe I won't...

An end to busyness.....

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I have been quite busy recently. Only a year ago I completed my diploma work and for a short time (2 months max!) I enjoyed a hiatus.

June saw me exploring becoming a doula but it was September when the true madness set in and I haven't really slowed down since. I am starting to now though, I have one more assignment to complete for the Yoga for pregnancy module (though it will be another 8 months or so before I can use the title). Then I will turn all of my focus to Natal hypnotherapy, completing the training, doing the assessment and building up the business.

I had something of an epiphany at the weekend. I was bemoaning the fact that we still seem to be in the red most of the time despite all the hard work that my beloved does to bring home the bacon. Usually his response is to simply say that we spend more than we have. This never feels quite enough of an explanation, yes we live comfortably, but I don't feel we live extravagantly....so where is all the money going? On Sunday he gently reminded me of how much the training that I have been doing has cost....including the travel and accommodation costs. D'oh! I just hadn't thought about it (and yes I can hear myself, and appreciate what a phenomenally lucky position I'm in). I sat and added up how much it had cost, since September.....and I was truly shocked.... Beyond the financial cost there are other realisations, mainly that I have probably bitten off more than I can comfortably chew without choking... So I have made some firm resolutions. Firstly not to take on any new training until I have completed what I've started (that already feels hard as there are at least two courses that I would like to do!). Secondly to be much more mindful about how why and when I spend money... Thirdly to find ways to strike a balance between busyness, the routine, the mundane, the exciting and to find moments of quiet stillness. I'm looking forwards to all of it, completing the studying, adopting a more mindful way of being, picking up my knitting, finally turning those frozen blackberries into jam...
It has been a wild ride for a while, and all the spending and using my brain has been fun. However now is the time to give it all chance to mature, to stop flitting around like a butterfly (ah I'm living up to the characteristics of my star sign!) and to work with my new and old skills at least for a few months before thinking 'what now?'
And just so that I don't find the prospect of slowing up too dull, I am reminded of all the lovely, celebratory and pleasurable activities that are already in the diary....gigs, a trip to Centre Parcs, theatre tickets and no doubt a few more things will sneak their way in before the year is up. Not to mention taking time to replay our wonderful holiday in my mind, get time to print off the (many)photographs and dream about the next holiday. Now there's the potential for blog or two, but I have an assignment to write!

a moment of reflection

Stopping by here for a moment of quiet reflection.

The earth and I are slowly awakening from winter hibernation, welcoming the return of the light (though I have had precious little chance of hibernation this year.....and do you know I have really rather enjoyed the unseasonable busyness!)

Yesterday the weather was bright and there was real warmth in the sun. Hubby and I went for a late brunch to Cross Lanes farm and after we headed into Barny (Barnard Castle!). We have been visiting for over 13 years, but discovered the Riverside walk for the first time.

 

I am also conscious of lots of babies being born at the moment...partly occupational hazard I guess. At least two were born on valentines day, now that has to be a bit special, doesn't it?

One of the valentines babies is Dash, son of Kelle Hampton, whose blog Enjoying the Small Things I have been following and loving since the story of her second daughters birth went viral on the internet just over three years ago. You can read here blog here http://www.kellehampton.com/


The driveway extension that begin at new year is done (well all but a couple of tiny snagging points). It looks great and best of all means we no longer have to play Butterflies to get a car out! (and yes I can hear many things in that last sentence....and I am grateful to be so lucky to have cars and the finances to get building work done).

Day one

The whole project was made more challenging by the wintry weather.

 

 

I have so many exciting things happening in the next couple of months, if I think about it for too long it can leave me a little panicky! So I won't dwell....other than to say life is great and I know I will rise to the challenges.

 

 

And then there is the small matter of some rather significant anniversaries....two fiftieth wedding anniversaries.

And it will be thirty years since that evening in March when my beloved and I first met...

 

 

It almost hurts looking at how young we were....so many memories...so many years...so much love..

 





If you want something doing....

The saying goes 'if you want something doing, ask a busy person'...well with me it seems to be 'If you have a long list of things to do, you will be compelled to write two or three blog posts (which is NOT on your list of things to do)' What's that all about?

Anyway, I felt the need to reflect on the last third of 2012 and forward into the first third of 2013, so here goes!

I enjoyed a week's birth retreat in Northumberland at the start of September.Then I drove Josh back to Manchester for the start of his uni term, observed a class for my relax stretch and breathe training, went down to High Wickham for the first study day of the RSB.

Then hubby and I went on a little road trip-he hadn't been allowed to take any holiday over the summer as he was involved with the Olympics so this was our first chance of a holiday. We went to Glastonbury and then on to Cornwall, it was fabulous.

Glastonbury Tor

Then I was off to Birmingham with a pal to an NCT forum and study day.  Which involved a rather wild night out in a wine bar in Brum with two old friends (I should point out they are old as in the length of time I have known them, they are both actually considerably younger than me!) and a new one! No hangover the next day so all was grand.

Off to Woking for the next RSB day. An attempted trip to Doncaster to observe another RSB class (thwarted by a train that never left the sation due to an unwell passenger!).

Mid October saw us making an unplanned visit to Manchester to see Josh...he had his drink spiked (we believe) and his phone and bank card taken. We went to take him an old phone, cash and lots of hugs. A truly horrible experience but yet again something to learn from for all of us, (the trip to Manchester wasn't the horrid bit by the way! That was actually quite lovely, Josh had recovered well by the time we got there and we enjoyed a lovely meal out with him and his girlfriend and then a shopping trip to the Trafford centre before heading home.)

From mid October I began observing a colleague teach her antenatal classes an hour away from here, every Monday evening. We have to observe one class to maintain our licence to practice but I chose to observe the whole course as I knew it would be invaluable for me. And it was.

Made it down to Doncaster to observe another RSB class (there is no-one nearer to me and I need lots of observations for my course!).

At the end of October I started teaching a new NCT antenatal course every Tuesday evening, they were only a small group (3 couples) but really characterful and I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I hope they did too!

The end of October also saw me bidding a sad farewell to a dear friend (who was on my second student antenatal course!) and her lovely family as they moved back down south =(

The beginning of November I was off to Worcester for the final two days for the RSB. Throw in a couple of assignments for November and December and I am beginning to gibber!!

Off down to London with hubby and youngest daughter to see The Killers at the O2 and enjoy some retail therapy in Camden on the Sunday. And then began to turn my attention to the festive period ahead! With a shopping trip with hubby.

The Killers

A lovely reunion for the antenatal course that I taught in August was one of the last things to enjoy before the Holidays. All eight babies dressed in different festive outfits! Lots of baby cuddles for me =)

The two weeks off for the Holidays were a welcome relief I can tell you. But now I'm back at it organising everything for starting teaching my relax stretch and breathe tomorrow (yikes!) and every Wednesday evening, the Natal hypnotherapy training in March, and the NCT yoga for pregnancy which is the next leg of training after RSB.

Yesterday I rewrote my assignment for my doula preparation, I have absolutely no idea how being a doula will fit into this somewhat hectic life of mine, but I am no quitter and as I felt compelled to begin the training I felt equally inspired to complete it and move forward with it.

Tomorrow see's the first of my RSB classes, which I am really looking forward to. Next week work begins on having the driveway extended, much needed but dreading the process!

Sunday we will take Josh back to Manchester for the start of his uni term.

Then there are lots of things to look forward to. A meal with Chris's work colleagues, continuing with the RSB classes each week, the NCT Yoga for pregnancy training, a snatched weekend away with hubby to celebrate 30 years since meeting! A weeks training to begin my journey as a Natal Hypnotherapy practitioner, and then setting up my business and practising  A return visit to Florida. A two day workshop with my old antenatal teaching tutor.Celebrating 50 years of marriage for Chris's parents. Then later in the year we will help my parents celebrate the same milestone. There are already two amazing trips to see bands planned, a xmas present from Lorna to see The Rocky Horror Show at the theatre (been a long time since we last saw it live!). So 2013 is shaping up to be buzzing!

Garden visitors

At this time of year when food is scarce I try to put food out for the birds. Meal worms are one of the favourites and there are a wide variety of visitors at my garden table. There are always blackbirds, who seem to think they own the joint! Blue tits, robins, sparrows, finches, jackdaws, magpies....but yesterday there was a furry visitor who was thoroughly enjoying the seeds...

I spent quite a while snapping away...here are some of the more successful ones,

a friendly robin

Mr blackbird

a finch

blue tit

jackdaw

not the greatest pic, but I like the diversity of birds

a female blackbird enjoying the meal worms

again not the best pic but I'm curious, what kind of tit is this?

and finally!

Praise and criticism

 'Being praised can be just as harmful as being criticized if you're not careful. Your work, your voice, your words, your art, your gifts you have them to give to the world--their value has nothing to do with the response you receive from them. Social media can complicate that truth, and good feedback can trick you into thinking "I am good because people like what I put out there." That's not true, Ever.'

These are the words of Kelle Cryderman Hampton, author of one of my favourite blogs, 'Enjoying the small things'  (check it out http://www.kellehampton.com)

These words resonated with me today and found a place in my heart. I have had an interesting relationship with criticism and praise. I worked hard to change and have become better able to deal with both, though there is always still room for improvement. (Self criticism...hmmm...there's a whole can of worms!) But it's only human nature though isn't it? To feel pleased and validated when one receives praise and smaller, less important when criticism is levelled at us? Perhaps, but it can become so debilitating, throw in self doubt and self criticism and you have yourself a whole heap of messed up thinking.

  'Validation is an interesting thing though, and no matter how strong or unphased by criticism we are, there is an undeniable human desire to have people like what we feel passionate about--our art, our words, our stories, our styles, our writing, our opinions. It's why we sometimes feel hesitant to publish or share. What will people think?'

This was the next paragraph that caught my attention, yeah what she said! I found it interesting to read this post shortly after receiving some flattering praise about one of my photo's. Praise that I'm not sure I feel I deserve...I take photo's for my own pleasure, I post them on facebook, I edit them and print them. I love the whole process, quite often I see the world 'in pictures'. As I am walking along I see the potential photograph that I could take. It's a bit of an addiction if I'm honest! Looking back through the photo's I often focus on the negative (no pun intended!).The flaws in the picture. Though I also get an immense amount of joy from revisiting a time and place that was good, it's a lovely way to capture time in ones hands and hold it forever. Anyway, I have digressed a little, perhaps the secret with praise or criticism is to smile and say thank you (maybe pausing to see how it feels) and then continuing with ones life...so thank you!

In other news...though related....I have a ton of photos to save, edit, print and put into albums...which is challenging in so much as there don't seem to be enough hours in a day (maybe I should get up earlier?) and the photo album (scrapbooks if truth be told) shelf is now full!

Here are a few of my photos that I do like...

 

This is the photo that started it all!!

So here's to a happy, healthy 2013, with a new, more balanced perspective on praise and criticism! And no doubt lots and lots more photos!

So I find myself uncharacteristically busy, and I keep catching myself being negative about it. And yet much of what I am doing I am thoroughly enjoying, so why the negativity?
I'm working this through as I type...I think part of it is the time of year. I instinctively want to cozy up and hunker down at this time of year. I want to slow things right down, just as The Earth is doing. To wait patiently for the warmer, lighter spring days then burst back into energetic life!
I dream of jam making and knitting and crafting seasonal gifts for my family and friends...in fact that is part of my problem too, the impending festive season! It feels like an additional pressure, trying to take up room in my over stuffed brain. Having no religious belief and no small children around to create the magic for, it ends up feeling joyless and materialistic/commercialistic....hmmmm...ok trying to find the positivity here....
Well I am really enjoying the antenatal course that I am teaching at the moment. They are only a small group, but very characterful and great fun.
I am also loving studying for teaching Relax stretch and breathe. I enjoyed writing the essay and have loved every moment of the study days...well every moment apart from the last journey home!
I'm looking forward to more study next year, a wonderful holiday, celebrating both my parents and the parents in law's 50th wedding anniversaries, Chris and my 30th anniversary (since we met, not married!) to name just some of the exciting things coming up soon....
There so I have turned myself around! I feel happier and much more positive! Though, having just popped into town with H and seen so many wonderful pairs of pj's and onesies, I would still be happiest cozied up in pj's every day at home until spring has sprung!

Knitting cozy socks when I get the chance...