I have just been reading through my last few posts...my blogging has been very sporadic this year...I don't know why!

Anyway, quick life catch up. I got the email at the end of March to say that my portfolio had passed muster and I was now an antenatal teacher. I have also since then had my 2nd portfolio ratified by the university meaning that I have achieved my diploma in antenatal education too.

After an initial giddy excitement and feeling of having all the time in the world and a huge sense of freedom, life has quickly settled back to normal.

I am spreading my 'birthing world' wings a little further by doing my doula preparation. The weekend workshop up in Edinburgh was delightful. I just need to get my finger out and finish the written piece and then I will be ready to sign up with Doula UK, get myself on their register and hopefully clients will start to contact me and I will finally get to be at some births!

In September I begin the relax stretch and breathe training, which will be an extension of my nct work.

I have some exciting and inspiring workshops coming up as well as having just started teaching another course (with 8 couples on...not nearly as scary as I imagined it would be!) all whilst fitting in normal life.

Heather has finished secondary school now, just the GCSE results to wait for. She had her prom last week...I nearly burst with pride when I saw her dressed up, she is one beautiful young lady!

One of my friends remarked that it was refreshing to see her so naturally beautiful, no fake take, hair extensions, false eye lashes or acrylic nails...she has always had a strong sense of style, from being a very little girl. But it was lovely to get such wonderful comments from friends and family.

It's scary to think how quickly the children seem to have grown up...I say to each class that I teach how clearly I can remember being in their shoes, pregnant with Lorna all that time ago...and yet on the other hand so much has happened along the way too!

Ponderings

I began writting this post a couple of weeks ago...I keep stopping and saving it....think I will hit post now...

I am feeling sentimental.

There are a number of reasons for this.

1. It is a cool, grey, rainy day. In fact May so far has mostly been disappointing weather wise, our punishment I guess for the glorious week we had early in the year!
2. On Saturday, my 1st 'baby' turned 21.....yes 21!! How the heck did that happen! (though ask her and she will deny it, saying she is never getting any older!)
3. Yesterday my baby (as in the youngest of the fold) turned 16. And I have made it a tradition to pull together photos of each of them from their first 16 years of life to sprinkle liberally around the sitting room for the enjoyment of all who visit the house over the coming weeks! So I have spent the last couple of days going through the photo albums, scanning in pictures and reminiscing.
4. The dawning realisation that 'family' holidays have really come to an end for us. Technically this has been a slow process that began in 2007 when Lorna went on holiday with friends and the rest of us went to Sicily. And gradually, though we all went to Ireland together in 2009, the holidays when all five of us were away together have dwindled. This year Josh is off on holiday with Kate, Lorna and Joe probably won't go away and when I asked Heather about where she would like to go, she said 'do I HAVE to go on holiday?', nice!

It's really quite odd, I will be thinking about nothing in particular when suddenly I think a random thought that reminds me of the changing times. I know I will go on many more holidays, and who knows one day hubby and I will manage that honeymoon in the Maldives, or the road trip through New England in the fall. And maybe one day there will be grandchildren and we will be allowed to indulge them with seaside trips in return for babysitting. But for now all that looks new, and different.

This parenting lark....indeed this life lark, can be a funny old thing. There are lots of books, gurus, forums and advice out there for new parents and parents of toddlers, but much less seems to be written about parenting teenagers and beyond. Certainly my network of friends who have been through this stage or who are going through it now has dwindled to almost nothing and that can feel really quite lonely. I am often left feeling vulnerable and scared trying to picture even the very near future. I know we are supposed to live in the present to be truly at peace, and I try...but at least when they were small I had points of reference from my nursery nursing training and experiences babysitting, nannying and having a baby brother.
Parenting young adults is new and there don't seem to be many books or other advice, and to be honest I would probably reject them any way! But it might be comforting to have a mother and young adult group (along the lines of mother and toddler group!) to go and chat and compare notes once each week!

Some things haven't changed though, the eldest wanted a Princess cake making for her birthday.

For the last couple of nights I have been a moon stalker! Apparently we have been enjoying a supermoon.
Basically this means that the position of this full moon is such that it is the closest to the earth that it gets (a perigee moon) appearing bigger than usual.
I have to say that it didn't look huge, but beautiful non the less.

Judge for yourself!

Ok, hopeless photo, but my first view of the full moon

The moon was preceded by a lovely sunset.

So lucky

I have become an avid blog reader in the last couple of years. The list of blogs that I follow is ever growing, with many favourites.
There is a clear pattern to my favourites, strong, loving women sharing their lives.
Today I read this http://motherhoodmatters.blogs.deseretnews.com/2012/04/10/your-children-want-you/
and I reflected on what I was feeling as I read it. I felt lucky, blessed. Motherhood for me was.....and it is hard to say this without sounding saccharine sweet....perfection. I have spoken before about how complete I felt holding my first baby in my arms. And there is no doubt that time has softened the edges of the difficult, challenging days of motherhood with three young children, now that they are so very grown up.
But even accounting for the rose tinted spectacles, there is no denying that I was privileged to spend the time with my children as they grew. To give myself heart and soul to them. I learned more from them than I ever did at school or from any books.
Reading the motherhood matters blog also had me thinking about the many amazing mums that I have met throughout my life. And how often I hear from them that they feel inadequate, what a struggle it is to 'fit it all in', and all the pressure that they feel under from so many sources. My heart has broken time and again when I have seen family's striving to 'have it all', to give their children 'everything they want', meaning holidays, new cars, toys and 'stuff'...when all those children really craved was time with their mama and daddy...
I have heard every justification going, 'we can't afford for me not to work', 'I need time away from the children', 'my work defines who I am'...and that's when I know just how lucky I am.

For me being a mama is who I am, I rarely felt the need to be away from my children, time enough as they began to grow and stretch their wings and step out into the world without me...

I know that this is my path and mine alone. And that one woman's medicine is another's poison, yet I can't help thinking that there isn't lots of room for improvement. For our society to value the role of motherhood and make it easier for mothers and fathers to spend more time with their children. I firmly believe that over time this would lead to more women looking forward to being at home with their babies instead of dreading it and wondering how on earth they can feel fulfilled until they get back to work.

Anyway, I have gone off track and stepped up onto my soap box, when really all I was planning to do was celebrate just how blessed I feel to have been a stay at home mama. To have been any kind of mama really.

So thank you, to the three wonderful children who chose me as their mum and to Chris for being the best dad and husband, I love you all so much.
XXXX

How adorable is this....I am utterly torn between my desire to protect such a wonderful creature and allow it to have it's natural right to nurse from it's own mama and my love of wonderful ice cream. Mostly I avoid cow's milk for many reasons, animal welfare and health being the two main ones, but with the sun shining the other day Heather and I headed to Archers http://www.archersjerseyicecream.com/ to sample their delicious wares.

Heather chose easter egg (creme egg) and toffee fudge whilst I sampled Turkish delight and hokie pokie (chunks of honeycomb and toffee sauce)

Then on the way to the car Heather noticed there was no-one on the zip wire and no-one around to see....

finally finished these adorable spring colours socks that I began last summer

flowers....

...galore!