Spring is in the air!

At the weekend the sky was cerulean blue and there was warmth in the sun, spring was definitely in the air! (though still a sharp nip in the air too!)

Dear hubby and I went off to visit the gardens at Harlow Carr. http://www.rhs.org.uk/gardens/harlow-carr

What do you see? (I see an old crone bent and pointing to the distance!)

The smells in this little green house brought a rush of memories flooding back, I was reminded of my grandads' potting shed right at the top of his garden.

I loved this statue of a boy sitting contemplatively by a pond.



So there it is, spring is most definitely on the way! (Tea at Bettys tea room http://www.bettys.co.uk/bettys_harlow_carr.aspx was the perfect finish to the trip, by the way!)

I am enjoying this leg of my life journey,  I am more settled than I can remember being for a long while. There are still up's and downs, but I guess that is life!
I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of facilitating my first antenatal course. There was much to learn from, but it felt really good. Wednesday evenings will seem empty!

I often struggle to put into words what I am thinking, feeling or believe. This can be frustrating to say the least! I am often left feeling woefully inadequate and that I have left others with the opinion that I don't know what I am talking about/speaking rubbish/have blind faith in all sorts of quackery! None of which is usually the truth! I have spent a lifetime learning, listening and developing ideas and beliefs. I am constantly reviewing these ideas. And yet in arguments, discussions etc I usually just don't know how to express those things in  a coherent, intelligent way....I will continue to work on it! However, in the meantime I will borrow other peoples ways of expressing, that beautifully illustrate some of my thoughts! One such person, whose blog I recently discovered, is Kedi. I was going to post a link to a recent post, however, on reading through several of her posts I thought I would just add a link to her blog!! http://keditalksbirth.wordpress.com/

Love!

Tonight I am reminded what young love feels like. It is Valentines day, these days the commercialism of the thing troubles me...not to mention the fact that me and my beloved have two love anniversaries to celebrate in March. But I am softened by my children sharing time with their current 'loves', Josh is in the kitchen making stir fry chicken sweet and sour from scratch with his girlfriend and Lorna spent ages on Saturday making 'love heart' cookies for Joey, who will be round after he has finished work. It refreshes me and reminds me to be less cynical, which has got to be a good thing yes?

I am fully immersed in my first antenatal course and all the planning, making and laminating that that seems to involve. I am aware that a lot of the practical stuff won't need to be repeated and the plans will need minor tweaks here and there as I do more courses, so this time around is probably the hardest. I'm really enjoying it, being with the fabulous people who are sharing a little bit of their journey to parenthood with me, is so exciting (I do contain as much of my 'cheesyness' as possible, honest! But it IS cool, I look back now wistfully at my motherhood journey....no regrets, I loved it every minute (even the long days and nights trying to figure out how to keep my dear son from crying!) I learned so much from them. I learned that my mama heart was infinitely full of love and kindness.

this is me with the children, many moons ago!

25th December 2010

Running...standing still

For the whole of this year so far I feel like I haven't stopped. After a slow paced snowy November and December, the holidays and the 'flu this has felt both shocking and good. Good to get my teeth into LIFE again, good to notice the mornings getting lighter, the evenings drawing out a little. Great to finally be testing out the skills and plans that I have been hatching and incubating for three long years by teaching my first antenatal course. Good that this has taken over my life so completely for the time being and great to be able to just go with that.

Today I have been luxuriating in nothingness...yes the bathroom needs cleaning, there is food shopping to be done and a million other minor, trivial things (which sort of do keep this family ticking over!)...but the impetus to get dressed wasn't there, instead I got back into bed and finished the book that I have been reading since the holidays



when I had finished the sun was shining and the sky was blue, across which the wind was ushering wispy white clouds....

I'm still ignoring 'life' hammering away at the door to be let back in, I'm going to write my blog, put new music on my iPod, print off the photos from the HOLIDAYS a MONTH ago!

I have been thinking about how precious LIFE is...and yet how pressing 'life' is...how do we strike a balance? How do we enjoy and suck every last morsel of pleasure out of LIFE whilst managing to do the shopping, laundry,cooking, washing up and the myriad other seemingly endless demands on our time? (answers on a postcard please!)

Sharing a couple of hours a week with some very special people who are embarking on a new and thoroughly exciting chapter in their lives...becoming parents...really makes me stop and think. I remember, more than twenty years done the line, how exciting yet terrifying that place is. To be on the cusp, not really knowing what to expect. I remember the early days which were full of magic, terror, and lots of special humdrum! Finding our way the three of us working out who we were and how we all fit together in this new thing called 'our family'. Later the joy of adding to that mix a couple more ingredients, shaking and jiggling to see how they fit in.

Nowadays of course it feels very different. I have always been aware of the my children as 'real people' with their own thoughts, ideas, feelings and big, big personalities. But now they are so very grown up there is absolutely no avoiding it. I marvel at them, I despair at them!

There is so much in my head and my heart right now....I would love to be able to grab it all and fling it at the page, much of it slips away like quicksilver to disappear or return whilst I am in the shower and have no way to pin it down...

Ah! well as I mentioned the sky is blue and the sun is out, so I can dare to dream that spring is round the corner. I remember eleven years ago (ELEVEN years where did that go?) when we first moved 'up North', after we had dropped the eldest two at school the youngest and I used to walk home spotting 'signs of spring'. I am missing that today....I might just have to put my coat and boots on and walk to the shops, surreptitiously looking for those signs (bulbs peeking through the earth, buds here and there on the tree...) for now though I will settle for the bunch of tulips that I bought the other day...

Ooh and it is Chinese New Year, so Xin Nian Kuai Le! Gung Hay Fat Choy! Happy New Year!

Wishing you all health and happiness.

Love and thankfulness

I am sitting here teary eyed after reading some of the blogs that I follow. The tears are joyful and sad. the message I am hearing...and that I would like to share is to feel the love that you have and be thankful for it.
All the people in your life that you love and who love you, your family, your friends, the checkout operator who makes you smile or the postie who delivers a present or a letter..the world would be a dull and lonely place without them. The challenges that we face would be pointless. So in a quiet moment, when you are feeling low, or stressed or even just putting the kettle on....reflect on that love and bask in it's warmth.

retreat!

I always feel that the winter holidays are a time to withdraw a little from the 'real' world, and I enjoy this very much. This year however I was forced to withdraw further and for longer...I was struck down by flu type symptoms that made me only fit for spending the day in bed, watching telly, playing on the DS, and just being! I sweated, shivered, sneezed, had earache, a sore throat and I coughed and coughed and coughed (and I am still coughing!) My dear hubby was a wonderful nurse, he kept up with every request and fed me delicious food ( my appetite never wained, so I am sure I gained even more weight!!) I was there from Boxing day on the Sunday until the Thursday. I didn't leave the house between 24th December (when hubby and I had lovely walk by the river in the snow) until the Sunday after New Years day! I didn't have to wash up, think about grocery shopping, decide what to feed everyone, vacuum or do any laundry...I could live like this!

We have lived 'up north' for eleven years now and visited the river often. We have never seen it frozen before. With the sun shining and the bright blue sky it was a stunning walk.

Then the children made/assembled the annual gingerbread house.





My eldest daughter was the first to have the awful bug. To cheer her up her boyfriend gave her an early present...Cookie monster! (she has been a fan since she was about two years old! when she used to call him 'Tookie monter'!)

The festivities were fairly quiet. The 25th was spent in our pyjamas under the influence of champage...just the way we like it!

 

Breakfast...smoked salmon and scrambled eggs or fried eggs and bacon all washed down with a glass of Bolli!



On Monday we finally made it to Sheffield for a meal with my family.

Lorna and Heather had great fun playing with Edwards new playdough!